High on misery?

I always hear people talk about being high on life. If I am to be honest, I do not have much of a life. I spend most of my day playing with my dogs, doing school work online, and reading a book now and then. This all depends on the season however. When it's warm out I am outside as much as humanly possible while still getting my coursework done.

I do not understand what it means to be high on life. I do however feel I am high on misery.

Okay... Not exactly high on misery, but the fact that I am no longer miserable. I love my life, as dull as it might sound to others. Yes I am sick, yes I get bored and restless, but I am happy, safe, and content.

I spent a childhood not knowing who was going to hurt me next, physically,mentally, emotionally, and yes sexually. Even though they will deny it to their deaths, I was even molested by my own sisters at a point in my childhood. Of course at the time I did not know better, but I do remember threats against my life if I told our parents. So, yeah, BIG red flag.

I cried myself to sleep at night because I had no hold on happiness, only misery. I knew what I wanted happiness to be, and sure was not what I had.

So now, I have a safe happy home. A adorable, loving husband who will do whatever it takes to make me happy. A mother-in-law who has done more for me in the last 12 years them my birth mother has done my entire life. I have found happiness, and I would not know it if was not for my misery.

I love seeing sunshine and blooms.

I love this time of year. The flowers are blooming, the sun is shining, and my dogs are running through the woods like it's a whole new world.

I remember as a kid loving May because it meant Summer break was close, and two months of freedom was just around the corner. Then I got to spend time tending the flowers, wandering the woods, and watching the animals in said woods. It is amazing the amount of nature one can find in the middle of a city.

I spent a lot of time dragged alongside my older sister as she went to visit some very shady friends, as well. I hated going to this house, but I was forced by my family to go with her. In this house I experienced a lot of dark moments while my sister was locked Ina bedroom with her boyfriend, but I was always able to escape into the woods.

Even today when the World begins to close in on me I go to my back acreage and breathing the scent of leaves, dirt, and fresh air and everything begins to float away. When I see the colorful blooms in my yard I remember all the times I spent in my grandparents' gardens and how I felt safe in their yard. When I pull a weed I pull out a bit of that anger I hold inside of me.

Summer weather is like a release for me. I think we all need a release of our own, for one reason or another. I'm just glad I can find mine in the simple things.