Dreams are not mine alone

I have often heard other victims of abuse say they find it hard to dream. I understand this, but it makes me so sad.😥 To live with out dreams of what-might-be.... That is the same as living with no hope, and I cannot imagine this.

My councilor once told me she was concerned because I could not think of one thing I wanted just for myself when asked what I wanted to do just for me. I guess that is as close as I have ever come to feeling hopeless. Simply because, I have never lived with the thought of how to help only myself. I do not have kids, and have been asked how I can be so consumed with others' needs when I have so little to do in my life. I just laugh at these critics.

All of my dreams, and hopes are for myself, but I also think of how my actions will benefit those around me. When I plant my flowers, I wonder how they will be pleasing to others. When I began college, I thought only of how it would benefit my family. I know this might sound like an exaggeration, but it is true.

I never used to dream for myself. I never had a moment for myself. I was treated as a slave by my family, and whenever I attempted to act selfish I was reminded how worthless I was. But, my husband faught against my punitive side and I am grateful. Without him, I would be one who can't dream and hope.

Instead I am able to dream of a big beautiful greenhouse as I make plans to build and begin my little starter greenhouse this year. This, in fact, is what made me stop and think of how my husband has brought dreaming back for me. This greenhouse is my first solely selfish act for as long as I can remember. And, I do not think I have ever been more excited.

If you find trouble dreaming, please find your way back to hope. Reach out to those who care, and reach out for their support. We are all worthy of dreams... Even if we know they will never come to fruition. Our dreams are only part of who we are, but it is one way we show ourselves love. And, no matter what we have been told, no matter what people have done or said, we all deserve love.